Like FAQ, but with different letters.
What’s up with the shag carpeting?
I like a floor covering that I can dig my toes into, and if you’ve ever tried doing that on hardwood, you’ve probably noticed that it hurts like a mother. Also, I find it comes in handy to be able to sneak anywhere on the website without making a sound.
Haven’t I seen you with a mustache?
Yes, and thank you for noticing. I love my mustache-on-a-stick and I still wear it when I get the urge, usually to my children’s parent-teacher conferences. I find it cuts down considerably on the number of times I’m asked to volunteer at school fundraisers.
Do you have a motto?
Yes! Two of them:
If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly.
If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean.
What’s wrong with your hair?
Yeah, I know. It was really muggy when that shot was taken. Believe me, I am this close to getting a poodle perm and calling it a day.
Do you have any recipes for quick, nutritious dinners?
Sadly, no. My family will back me up on this.
What happens after you die?
I’m not sure, but let’s hope it’s something really, really funny.
Where is the restroom?
Down the hall, third door on the right—the one with the Adam Ant poster taped on it.